


liquid courage

by joeri



Category: Free!
Genre: Alcohol, Anal Fingering, Aphrodisiacs, Enthusiastic Consent, Explicit Consent, Hand Jobs, M/M, Mutual Pining, dont let that tag scare you, its all consensual bapey, rin matsuoka cries during sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-29
Updated: 2018-06-29
Packaged: 2019-05-30 13:39:30
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,754
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15097790
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/joeri/pseuds/joeri
Summary: sousuke didn't buy this drink.thisdrink, rin procured all his own.





	liquid courage

**Author's Note:**

> i got started writing this during my spring semester of college and as finals hit, i absolutely had no time at all to finish this. i didn't want to let 7k go to absolute waste so i tried to polish it up and fix it up to be posted. its out there now.

It’s the first day overseas. The heat running through Sousuke’s system dominates all of the anxieties he had before traveling- flushing out his body of worries and replacing them with sun soaked pleasures.

His tiresome crush on his best friend can be easily overcome when he’s sat poolside with the other boy and the two of them are tanning like a pair of California broads. Just the sight of Rin’s razor sharp clavicle is enough to kill usually, but he feels good knowing they’re here together and mostly alone, the crowd notwithstanding.

Sousuke mostly means their friends. It’s good to be away from their friends for once.

There’s something fiercely more intimate about not being in their swimsuits for once; it’s as if the act of wearing them implies that they’re half naked around each other out of necessity and not by choice. When the excruciatingly gorgeous redhead beside him is swathed in the glittering sunshine glow, uninhibited by the lackadaisical umbrella above and outfitted in a scandalous pair of booty shorts, Sousuke can’t help but stare.

Is there a way to say, _I’m not gay, but I would absolutely sip wine from the dip in your collarbone,_ he wonders.

Sousuke takes another sip of his Jose Cuervo at 4 in the afternoon.

Though, the not being gay part is a little silly, bearing in mind they’ve both more than caught onto each other’s belligerently obvious sexualities. At least, Sousuke hopes.

He’s peeked at Rin’s phone occasionally when glancing down the top bunk, and seen some nudes he really wished he hadn’t seen. Knowing that _someone_ was sending Rin dick pics was enough to spell it out for him.

As far as Rin knowing about him, well… Sousuke’s never said outright that he’s explicitly into men, but when asked Sousuke’s pretty set on articulating that he doesn’t want to put a word on it. Anyone who has ever known a gay person in their life knows that this is code for anxiously bi-curious, or someone who doesn’t want to make a big deal out of it.

If nothing else, the two of them attending pride every year with the rest of their friends who are much more… obvious, they’ll say (Nagisa and Kisumi), already makes it easier on Sousuke. The one day that he decides to finally come out with it, he figures Rin will be receptive.

That’s what this excursion is for, he says to himself in the sanctity of his head while ogling the way Rin’s black fishnet tank top is sticking to his ribs like plaster, even going so far as to cling to his belly button as it sinks inside. Sousuke takes another sip.

No, the two of them are on board a cruise headed for Australia and Rin is going to be checking out housing.

Still, call him self-seeking for hoping a little something extra pops up. He has to take his highs where he can get them.

“I still think you’re... _completely_ ridiculous,” Rin slurs out, his sunglasses gliding down the bridge of his nose.

His eyes peek from the top of his shades. Sousuke meets his gaze with a vaguely puzzled one of his own.

“For coming with you? I already told you it’s no trouble.”

“For paying for all of this! I’m drinking a… what’s this even? A mango-lemonade-apple-tini-on-the-rocks-”

“You _said_ you wanted the most alcoholic thing that _doesn’t_ taste like alcohol, Rin. The bartender probably just delivered,” Sousuke quips, taking another brisk sip of his own.

The way Rin’s face changes, his eyebrows bundling together with embarrassment, he scowls and the drink in his hand sloshes about aimlessly once he pokes a hole in Sousuke’s chest.

“You didn’t have to do all of this. I still can’t believe I let you talk me into this.”

Feeling the urge to reach up and snatch Rin’s hand, Sousuke fights it. His upraised hand instead rolls back to run through his hair. He closes his eyes.

“Mmmm, and yet you agreed to it pretty easily.”

“We argued for three hours, Sousuke,” Rin is quick to correct.

“Yeah, compared to our usual bouts where you hang up and block me on Twitter for a day, that’s ‘pretty easily.’”

Rin’s mouth suspends in a silent gasp. The fact that Sousuke exclaims it with such a nonchalant cadence sends a wave of butterflies to Rin’s stomach. Why exactly isn’t Sousuke sick of him yet? He’s left with a pout in the corner of his mouth as he uncrosses his legs, re-crosses them the other direction, and folds his singular free arm under his elbow.

Snickering to himself, Sousuke doesn’t miss the way Rin covertly sneaks sips of his fruity cocktail, as if his friend isn’t still watching him act out. He loves the pucker of his lips when he pouts- just as kissable as it was when they were kids… back when they could sneak kisses and it hadn’t meant anything. Not to Rin probably at least. Sousuke’s stomach hardens.

“I don’t mind, Rin. I had the money lying around. It wasn’t going toward anything.”

Maybe that’s what Rin can’t understand. The way he turns back around, his sulky, pursed lips definitely doing things in Sousuke’s head, it’s clear that some part of him feels undeserving for the time, money, and maybe energy being spent on him.

“I’ll definitely pay you back, in whatever way I can,” the buzzed boy insists.

There are a couple of ways he could _certainly_ pay Sousuke back, he thinks to himself. That phrase is a little too loaded to not take in that way, but Sousuke’s poker face has been perfected over the course of countless years. He doesn’t show an inch of difference on the outside. Waving his hand dismissively, he sinks deeper into his folding chair.

“I don’t recall asking for anything back.”

Sousuke’s eyes slip shut, only to pop open wide at the unexpected weight on his legs. Liquor has splashed onto his upper thigh and Rin has yanked himself up from his seat and clambered into Sousuke’s.

God he’s so close now. Normally he’d be stoked but Rin’s eyes betray the feeling Sousuke wants from them. He’s visibly tipsy. What little of his eyes he can see through the top of his sunglasses, Sousuke can see his pupils are constricted. His skin is burning hot, and his mouth is a trembling frown.

“You can’t expect me to not want to pay you back,” he gripes.

“Nice,” Sousuke breathes, sardonic, nearly interrupting Rin and cinching his soft pink polo. “I suppose I need to shower later anyways,” he muses.

He’s tugging it up to see just how much of his shorts are now soaked through with alcohol while Rin is busy pressing his forehead into his temple.

“Hey, are you listening to me?”

Sousuke is very aware of what Rin is saying, but the rapid change in nearness is putting fresh cotton in his mouth. Adjusting his head and putting himself at eye level with Rin, they’re less than inches apart and Sousuke can’t think of a single thing to say.

Well, a single thing that isn’t _Please, you’re very beautiful and very close to me, could you back up for just two seconds._

Whatever stillness that stretches on between them is probably only awkward on Sousuke’s end, as Rin is busy drunkenly peering over every single pore in Sousuke’s face. It’s as if he’s never laid eyes on him once in the past few years. The thought has always haunted the back of Sousuke’s mind that Rin has always saw through him, and the warm, twisting sensation that erupts from the pit of his gut isn’t helping when he thinks that it’s the first time in a long time that he’s seen the redhead regard him with such a careful fondness.

“It’s really okay, Rin,” Sousuke finally chokes out.

Lifting his hand to press up against Rin’s chest, he gives a mild shove for breathing room, insisting to himself that he isn’t spreading his fingers out from the center like a spider, eager to smooth over every inch of ab that Rin has.

“I told you to let me take care of it, and I am.”

The push does nothing to curb Rin’s inquisitive stare. If nothing else, he’s now just dragging his eyes down the line of Sousuke’s body, much to the man’s understandable displeasure.

Displeasure isn’t an accurate term, considering he would be drinking in this attention in literally any other situation. The combination of being in at a public pool and his dear friend being sozzled means that he would rather not have to do this.

 _Literally, pick any other time to ogle my bod,_ Sousuke groans silently in his head, taking one of Rin’s wrists with his free hand.

“You’re a little too shitfaced for midday on a Wednesday, let’s try to get you sobered up.”

The way Rin’s head bobs emphatically while his eyes maintain their vacant glaze tells Sousuke all he needs to know. Rin is fucking sauced.

Knocking back the remainder of his liquor like a bitter pill, Sousuke downs his bottle and slots it into the flimsy netted cup holder woven into the fabric of the public folding chair. He stands up with Rin, practically holding the other boy up completely. Sousuke smooths his hands through his liquor laden shorts. The alcohol sticks. Sousuke grimaces, kneading his thumb and fingers together as he regards the gumminess disdainfully.

The duo navigate past the crowds of mostly English speaking vacationers. Sousuke’s grip on Rin’s wrist is tight, only loosening up when he takes the risk to slide his digits into the soft home of Rin’s palm. The other swimmer doesn’t seem to mind it. Their hands mingle and soon they’re holding on tight.

In Rin’s other hand, he’s steadily chugging the remainder of his fruity whatever-the-fuck.

Once they march up to the bar, Rin is squinting at Sousuke. He swishes the liquor about his mouth inquisitively before swallowing and raising his voice.

“I thought we were-”

“I have to pick up the tab,” the brunette interjects.

Sousuke, naturally, does not know English. In the best sluggish tones he can, Rin lets the bartender know that they’re ready to pay and asks for the total. Rin shoves his empty glass at the register and relays the message. Cocking a brow, Sousuke licks his lips and leans in close. Having done the conversion on his phone, he gawks.

“5,266 yen? That seems too little. How many drinks did I buy?”

“Four,” Rin recalls. “I had one, you had-”

“Whoa, whoa, time out. You had _one?”_

Rubbing the back of his neck and rolling his shoulder in thought, Sousuke straightens up his back.

“I didn’t know that you were such a lightweight.”

“Hey, this drink is _really_ strong. Give me a break here,” Rin whines, swiveling his head away from Sousuke.

But he doesn't. Sousuke snickers as he whips out his wallet and digs around for his debit card. He directs a two fingered salute to the bartender with the card in between.

“I’m not complainin’ buddy,” he chuckles out, chiding himself from the inside of his skull at the use of such a word. “That just means I get to save a bit of money.”

The bartender seems to make a small bicker with Rin for a few seconds over the empty glass Rin hands back, and Sousuke wants to ask but once he’s got his card back, he’s noticed something else.

In the time between that line and Sousuke snatching his card back, he looks to make eye contact with the other boy only to find that Rin’s shifted away from him and has took to wrapping his arms around himself in a loose hug. It’s as if he’s nervous he’s going to jump out of his skin any second now. Privy to this, Sousuke nudges Rin in the back of his knee with his own knee.

“What’s wrong?” he asks.

No point in asking if he’s alright. He’s clearly not. A football fields distance apart in a hurricane, he could tell from sheer body language alone whether Rin needed him.

...needed _help._ Whether Rin needed _him_ was a completely different story, but Sousuke would like to be hopeful.

Sousuke nudges a second time.

Rin’s whole frame goes rigid, like he’s just gotten the ghost scared out of him before he sneaks a glance over his shoulder. Where his eyes connect with his cheeks now sits a pretty pink glaze. The skin sitting over his nose is now blistering with blood under the surface and his face is glowing brighter than a spotlight.

Brushing his hand across his shoulder, Sousuke moves to set the back of his hand against the plateau of Rin’s forehead, only for the shorter boy to seize Sousuke’s hand and offer a weak smile. Sousuke can’t tell through the sunglasses if Rin is lying or not with that face, but the corner of his mouth doesn’t look promising.

“I’m starting to feel self conscious,” Rin explains, his eyebrows knitting up. “The scent of the ocean is making me seasick. Can we go back to our room?”

Sousuke blinks. Surely the little prodding he’d done about being a lightweight hadn’t gotten to Rin, had it? That couldn’t be it. It must be the heavy crowd and the noisy atmosphere that was getting to him. Rin had never been one for partying or going to clubs too often. It was always too loud until he got enough liquor in him, and then he didn’t last long after, needing to sit down or throw it all up.

Nevertheless, Sousuke takes up Rin’s hand again like he’d done prior and leads them out of the pool area. He’d be lying if he said he didn’t think the constant clamoring had become obnoxious.

In his absent mindedness earlier, Sousuke’d stepped out into the pool area without any shoes on whatsoever. As his feet make contact with the carpeted floor of the cruise ship’s interior, he feels considerably more comfortable than out there on the sweltering cement. A cold air conditioned breeze sweeps them both up. To Sousuke, it feels amazing. On the other hand, Rin begins to shiver in Sousuke’s grip. Glancing back down at the redhead, Sousuke gestures toward him with their held hands.

“When we get inside, you should change into something else or huddle under some blankets.”

Rin gives a quick jostle of his head in affirmation, his lips pressing together in a thin line but otherwise not saying anything. Sousuke frowns, chewing on the inside of his lip and squeezing Rin’s hand tighter only to find that a fair amount of sweat has accumulated between their palms. It wasn’t until they’d reached their private room that Sousuke could pull his hand back and notice that it’d poured out of Rin’s hand alone. Bashfully, they both ended up wiping their hands off on their pants though. Neither one comments on it when Sousuke is sure this’d normally be something they’d both end up laughing about. It ends up setting the mood for the strange night that’s about to unfold.

Stumbling inside, Sousuke clicks the light switch on only for Rin to slap it back off. They both stand in the darkness for a second before Sousuke has to ask, “What was that for?”

“I’m kinda sensitive to the light. It’s giving me a headache,” Rin murmurs as he approaches his bed.

As his vision adjusts to the darkness (the only light being the thin threads that pool in through the blinds across from the door), Sousuke follows Rin’s figure into the dark and sighs.

“You sound like you’ve got a migraine,” says Sousuke. “You need to lay down. I’ll get a cold rag for your forehead.”

Recalling all the times in his childhood that Sousuke had come over when Rin was sick, he realizes that he’s been trying to take care of Rin all his life. Even now, well over five years later Sousuke is still trying to take care of him. It should feel unwelcome or it should feel uncomfortable but it doesn’t.

Rin just shakes his head and lets his body flop sideways onto his bed.

“Mmmm, I’ll be fine. Just… you said you had to go shower, right?”

Sousuke already starts yanking his shirt off, knowing what he’s going to say.

“Yeah, yeah.”

“Do that first, I’ll be good. ‘mm gonna sleep,” Rin maintains.

Turning on his heels, Sousuke steps through the door to the bathroom. He takes care to only flick on the lightswitch once the door is shut. Wrenching his belt off and allowing his khakis to settle at his ankles, Sousuke exhales pitifully and plucks the shower handle out, turning the water on.

Guilt washes over him just as quickly as the water does.

For what had been only a second, Sousuke had felt what it was like to be that close to Rin. It’s not something that ever stops- his love for him, his attraction to him, but when the other man had been nestled in his lap, Sousuke couldn’t say a word. His tongue got tied up on the things he couldn’t say. Knowing that his friend was inebriated was enough to still his hands- keep him from pulling Rin so much closer. He wasn’t in the proper place to respond. Sousuke couldn’t do that to him.

Luckily, whatever half mast erection he _might’ve_ had at the time was long gone now at seeing his dilapidated state. Migraines were Sousuke’s kryptonite.

Too many times when Sousuke’s overworked himself, he’s had to curl up in a dark room alone and let the aches subside- the full body aches and the ones that feel like your head is in a nutcracker. The least that he can do is be as quiet and soothing as possible to ensure Rin doesn’t have to suffer too long through it. That’s why when Sousuke realizes he hadn’t brought in any of his products, he hit the lights once more to make it safe to open the door.

All Sousuke plans on doing is sneaking out of the bathroom like a spy, quick enough to grab his shampoo and body wash without disturbance. The moment he covertly creeps beyond the shower door in his towel, he bears witness to an uncanny noise.

Before the toweled boy can take more than a few steps, he’s treated to the sound of gasping, and sharp panting.

Sousuke’s blood runs cold. His instincts swear at him to run to his best friend’s side. What if he can’t breathe? What if he is having a panic attack? Is he throwing up? Sousuke remembers going on runs with Rin in elementary school and holding his hair back while he puked in the grass.

All of those fears and memories come screeching to a stop.

“Sousuke…”

Betwixt hoarse gulps of breath, Rin chokes on Sousuke’s name. He coughs it up like a sickness he can’t get out of him and he makes the bed creak. Sousuke lifts his hand over his mouth.

A bizarre rock settles in the pit of Sousuke’s stomach. At first glance he isn’t sure what to think. Keeping his vision trained on the mass of shifting movement beneath the bedding and blankets, Sousuke imagines him on his hands and knees under the covers, and the way it shudders back and forth, he can’t be too far off.

Is he… ?

Sousuke’s body feels warmer.

It’s so wrong of him to listen, but he has to be sure he isn’t hearing things.

“S… Sooou- nngh…” Rin grunts.

He sounds like he can’t breathe.

 _“Fuck me,”_ Rin cries.

Now Sousuke can’t breathe.

Backing up against the wall, Sousuke curls his lips inside of his mouth and bites down hard. His heart rate hits a terrifying pace and bullets of pleasure shoot straight to his dick.

What’s going on? One second Rin’s stumbling and looking sicker than Sousuke’s ever seen him, and the next he’s rocking about in his bed and moaning his name like a lover would. Sousuke’s mouth feels like a desert and his body’s too warm. He lowers his hand from his mouth to his jaw, staring with the wrong kind of curiosity.

Poking his head out from under the covers, Rin’s hair bobs like he’s riding on something. Sousuke’s hand palms his dick and he inhales powerfully.

Fuck, he can’t watch this. He stumbles back into the bathroom as swiftly as he can.

Paranoid of letting Rin know that he’s heard him, once Sousuke has snuck back into the bathroom he leaves the door cracked. Sousuke resumes his shower in the dark. The amount of energy it takes to hold back from fisting his cock and pumping it wildly is astronomical. He’s shoving his head under the showerhead to drown out the noise and keeping both hands planted firmly against the tile. The water’s cold as ice. His stiffy won’t wane but the water feels good on his shoulder.

How long should he stay under until it’s safe to come out? Will Rin stop as soon as the shower turns off or will Sousuke have to confront him? He’d sincerely rather not.

Everything in Sousuke’s life failed to prepare him for this. Possibly what hits him last is the sobering truth of what it means.

Could… Rin feel the same way about him?

Before the retired swimmer can get his hopes up, he’s dashed by his right mind.

_He’s drunk._

In that regard, a small hole opens up in the center of Sousuke’s chest, knowing that he’s some tipsy fantasy but not a wanted reality. Catching the sound of a particularly loud moan over the gushing water hits a raw nerve in him. Sousuke grinds his jaw. This should fill him with ecstasy. He should seek out that pleasure he’s been thirsting for, and yet…

_I can’t._

For every self-absorbed thought he’s ever had, he’s always thought of Rin. What would be the point of wanting for anything if he hurt Rin in the process?

The moment that Sousuke pushes the shower knob back in place, the flow of water cuts off and his heart burrows in his throat. Where he once heard unsteady breath he now hears… nothing. Nothing at all permeates the air except for the sound of his own footsteps as they slap against the tile.

In the end, all he’d managed was a long rinse off. Sousuke never made it to his bag or even two feet past the bathroom door. Jostling the towel through his hair, he massages his fingers through his scalp with an ever growing grimace. What would he even say when he stepped out there? If he’s fortunate, Rin would either be asleep by now or at least feigning it now that the dull roar of the plumbing has ceased.

Taking mild, deliberate steps out of the bathroom, his every movement feels magnified in the darkness and in the silence. Passing right by the bed where Rin had been rocking earlier, Sousuke takes notice to the way his body lay lifeless and slack. Sousuke double checks the towel fixed about his waist, approaching bedside. His eyes quite adjusted to the shadow by now, it takes no time at all to discern the constant movement of his chest. Like he’d just run a marathon, Rin’s gulping down air. The fishnet top is dumped beside the bed, having left its uneven tan in Rin’s skin. The covers shelter the lower half of his body. Thankfully, Sousuke isn’t being treated to anything salacious just yet. All that awaits him is Rin’s panting lungs, and a single upraised arm slanted against his forehead.

Thinking this is his chance to check on him, Sousuke presses an icy hand up against Rin’s neck.

Whether it was the sudden cold disturbing his peace, or the feeling of another human being all together, Rin bends his body up into the touch and makes a low groan. Such a reaction makes Sousuke snatch his wrist back, and his eyes soon meet with Rin’s glassy ones. They’re craving that touch again.

“Sousuke,” he whispers.

Sousuke doesn’t reply right away. Eager to see what it is that Rin wants, he swallows all the spit in his mouth and waits. Taking his sweet time to formulate a sentence, Rin arches his back up slightly.

“I need help.”

Oh, that isn’t what Sousuke wants to hear.

Cautiously taking a seat on the bed, Sousuke leans closer to Rin (pretending that he doesn’t want the other boy to reach up and grab him).

“What’s going on?” Sousuke asks, replacing his hand where it had once been just seconds ago.

Rin’s entire demeanour changes. The hand that's lingering above his head starts twisting it’s fingers in the sheets, and the hand that’s free is now snagging onto Sousuke’s hand, pressing it deeper into his neck as if he wants to feel it in his throat.

And he’s shifting. He writhes in place like there’s a fire in his blood and he moans lavishly, like Sousuke’s skin is a tangible cure for what he has.

“I need… I need you to-”

The redhead sighs, seemingly impatient with his own self. Dragging Sousuke’s hand from his neck to the pucker of his nipple, he splays his hand along the back of Sousuke’s and squeezes, driving him to take hold. Rin grinds into him with a neediness Sousuke’s never seen before.

“R-rin-” he stammers, his hand finally where he’s always wanted it but his head swimming with uncertainty.

“Please, just touch me. Anywhere is fine, just- … Please,” Rin pleads.

The sensation of Rin pinching his nipple up using Sousuke’s fingers is the most devilish temptation. For just a second, Sousuke is stunned. The sight of Rin’s vacant neck and how he pivots his head to leave it wide open- the sensitivity of Rin’s gorgeous chest laid out in front of him, free for the ravishing- the subtle way that he’s parting his legs beneath the covers in hopes that Sousuke will go for the prize outright-

He’s rock solid in seconds, and he wants nothing more than to love on Rin and make him scream. Just dropping his digits onto the flesh of Rin’s neck was enough to make him break composure. He’d be like putty in Sousuke’s hands. He wants to touch him, and love him, and mess him up so badly.

And that’s precisely why he can’t.

Plucking his hand back gently from Rin’s grasp, he whispers soft and slow.

“Rin… you’re drunk.”

The words come out with sincerity, and Sousuke wonders if all of this was just some kind of elaborate test to see just how virtuous of a friend Sousuke is. When Rin’s hand drifts up once more to take hold of Sousuke’s face, he’s almost sure that’s what’s going on. There’s such a kindness in his eyes. Sousuke lets the other man make contact and leans down to his level. Rin is smiling. His voice is melty like fondue.

“I’m not. I just want you. I’ve always wanted you this much.”

Every word penetrates the weakest part of Sousuke’s heart, and his own hand rises up to take Rin’s hand inside of his own once more. Pulling the fingers up to his face, he pushes small kisses into the warmth of his knuckles, listening in to the way even small touches like these make him wiggle compliantly.

“I wish you did,” he admits, sadly and dejectedly. “I wish this were how you really felt and I wish that I could give you what you want. You don’t know how badly I’d love to… touch you all over…”

He trails off, closing his eyes and focusing on nothing but the supple fingers in his hand, curling up against his with every word.

“Hold you close, kiss you slow…”

He tells himself not to say it, but horny and heart-heavy don’t mix well.

“...fuck you however you want-”

“Sousuke, p-please,” Rin cuts in, sitting up and craning his neck up into the other man’s face. “I want all of those things. I want _you._ I’ve always wanted you… I-”

Discomfiture washes over Rin’s face. His eyes are shutting and his body’s squirming desperately. Rin dives his face into the crook of his neck, taking in Sousuke’s scent before kissing the skin crudely. Sousuke can’t stop himself from groaning out gladly. He doesn’t resist until his senses float back, and then he’s reeling, snatching each shoulder, and tugging Rin back into his eye line.

“ _Nhgh,_ Rin. I-if you really mean it… I’m grateful, but we can’t while you’re like this,” Sousuke grunts, honestly not believing him for a second but needing him to listen to reason.

“I-I’m not drunk. I…” Rin hiccups out. “I took an aphrodisiac, that’s it.”

Even in a dark room, Rin can’t mistake the look of odd curiosity and confusion washing over Sousuke’s face. His eyes squint and his brows knead.

“You took… a what?”

“I… I bought an… an aphrodisiac,” Rin discloses, and suddenly everything starts to make a little more sense. “That drink I had… I didn’t buy that on your tab. I… I got that separate.”

Swallowing hard and gulping audibly, Sousuke keeps his face straight as he assesses this newfound intel.

“You gave yourself… a sex drug,” Sousuke reaffirms.

“D-don’t say it like that, so deadpan… yeah,” confesses Rin, averting his eyes and hiding his face in the pillow. “I didn’t think it’d… be so damn _potent_ but, I can’t… I can’t think about anything other than…”

It hits the forefront of his mind- the knowledge now that Sousuke has thought about him too. It’s what gives him the gumption to finish his sentence proper. His eyes trail back to Sousuke from the corner of his eye before darting away again.

“... anything other than you.”

God, every single time those words crawl out of Rin’s mouth, Sousuke’s cock pulses against the towel. Still sure that he’s in a dream or there’s some catch, he sucks in a breath.

“Rin… why would you give yourself a sex drug? Who were you expecting to meet here on this cruise?”

Inhaling, like he’s about to be injected and needs to brace for it, Rin gapes angrily at the inside of his eyelids. 

“I told you. I took it… b-because I’ve felt this way about you.”

“What does that even mean?”

Sousuke thinks he knows what he means, but can’t bear to go in without hearing him say it. He needs it to be blunt. So long, so many years, his heart dangles precariously over the edge and bets it all on this time.

And Rin’s cradling his face close to his now.

“I’m- !! I’m attracted to you, jackass. I couldn’t make a move and I wanted to. Is that so goddamn difficult?”

Rin sighs.

“I wanted the courage to be honest, to… want you to be with me like this. Holding you close to me right now feels right. Even… even if you don’t want to fuck me this feels good: your face on mine,” he says. “This feels-”

No more can be heard from Rin’s mouth. Whatever came next is slurred and then silent as his lips are stolen.

Once it’s all clicked inside of Sousuke’s head, there’s scarcely a force on Earth that can stop him from claiming Rin’s lips for his own.

A lifetime of built up tension explodes in an instant. They’re both sliding hands through skin and hair, biting lips and bumping teeth. This is the only time Sousuke wishes they’d both been wearing more clothing. He’d have so much more to hold onto. Now there’s nothing but naked flesh that he feels bad for clawing. Perhaps he shouldn’t with the way Rin is instantly keen on dragging his nails across Sousuke’s back. They drag and drag up and over his shoulders.

They’ve never kissed once and Sousuke’s already suckling on the end of Rin’s tongue like it’s candy. Through the only two things separating their groins, Sousuke crawls between Rin’s legs and sidles up to him. The comforter and his towel are all that protect them going going too far.

Their teeth clack and the inside of Rin’s mouth is warm, like a furnace. Sousuke’s always wondered if those teeth of his would mar him in bed. As Rin breaks the kiss to move his mouth to his neck, he figures it’s time to find out.

“Hhn, how long?”

Sousuke’s question comes out in a gasp. Rin finds Sousuke’s thigh poised nervously near to his cock, and he grinds his hips into the contact while his teeth are busy making a deep red dotted line in his throat.

Frenzied to get Rin’s attention, Sousuke drops his palm down upon the comforter where he knows Rin’s dick is pressing up against him. He watches Rin freeze up.

“Sou-”

“How long, Rin?”

It's a serious question, but the method by which Rin lays back down onto the bed, strings of spit breaking between him and Sousuke’s throat, red hair creating the perfect halo against the pillow, half lidded eyes asking naughty things of Sousuke… Sousuke reaches his fingers around and takes a near white knuckled grip around Rin’s cock. The prone boy coughs up a broken moan.

“How long have you wanted me to touch you like this?” Sousuke asks, his voice deeper and creamier than Rin’s ever heard it; the sound drips all over Rin’s body.

It’s _not_ actually what Sousuke wanted to ask but the way Rin’s strawberry magenta eyes widen like a doe in the headlights, he begins to know exactly what the boy beneath him wants.

Rin hasn’t answered and Sousuke has begun stroking steadily.

“How many times have you touched yourself while thinking about me?” he demands to know, making Rin’s stomach flip with an anxious cry.

As straight faced as Sousuke can be, he is _drowning_ on the inside. Never did he think he could make Rin this red in the face, clinging to his arms weakly with his cock in his fist. The fan of Rin’s eyelashes over his suntanned cheeks, bright red and his pretty, pretty mouth making those noises that sound like his name- Sousuke has never loved a boy more in his life than this one.

“Sou…”

All Rin can do is try to breathe. His thoughts are flowing in and out but ultimately they all turn to mush as Sousuke rubs him. Rin works his nails into Sousuke’s arms and pins his own lips between his teeth.

Sousuke can’t help but smile a little faintly.

“You were touching yourself while I was in the shower.”

That face Sousuke makes does things to Rin. He’s doused with shame in seconds. He crinkles his nose and turns his face, throwing it away completely behind an upraised arm.

“Sousukeeee,” Rin slurs, the wrinkle in the corner of his mouth not going unnoticed by Sousuke. “If you’re going to make fun of me-”

“Never, Rin, I’d never make fun of this,” asserts Sousuke, pausing his strokes in favor of simply rolling his thumb around where he knows the head is; his voice sounds apologetic.

“You’re a liar,” Rin maintains. “You’re smiling.”

Regarding Rin’s words with a subdued frown, Sousuke leans down to his friend’s level and parks a faint kiss against the corner of his jaw- the only part of his face he can get to without moving Rin’s arm out of the way.

“I’m sorry, you’re just… very handsome, and I’m very happy.”

The redhead makes a puzzled sort of sound, gazing up at Sousuke from behind his arm and letting his mouth hang. Sousuke doesn’t like how startled that statement makes him. It curls inside of Sousuke’s heart and heightens his desire to love on him- show him how beautiful he is, how happy he makes him, how the sun doesn’t shine unless it’s through his teeth.

Planting another kiss at the corner of his face, his breath ghosts across Rin’s mouth.

“You look so pretty, and I’d love to fuck you.”

He isn’t expecting it, but Rin whines beneath him and bucks his hips up into his hand. Sousuke kisses him again.

This time it’s much more tender. There’s not as much impatience. They both know they aren’t going anywhere. Rin is right here with him and and wants him- wants this. Pushing Sousuke’s hands down his ribs where he needs them, Rin licks his lips and chokes on his breath. He wriggles like every part of him is slowly catching fire. Sensing his impatience, Sousuke throws the covers off and is served a front row view of Rin’s entire body.

From the fine indents of his musculature to the trail of bright hair, it’s the most gorgeous sight he’s ever seen, complete with the subtle scent of citrus in the air.

...citrus?

Following the natural progression of his body, beneath Rin’s length and lingering against the sheets, Sousuke finds a lubricious trail of translucent oil. He squints and watches Rin fidget. Mild and slow, he positions himself on his knees. Sitting on his feet, Sousuke yanks Rin Matsuoka into his lap where he’s so desperately wanted him to be all his life. Rin gives a squeak unbecoming of a grown man.

“Sousuke-!”

The towel still bundled taught around his waist is soiled now. The scented (and flavored!) lube still crying out of Rin’s pucker is now wetting the fabric. Sousuke leans down, obviously not quite far enough to get the best glance, but enough to make the other boy shiver with want.

“Were you _expecting_ me to come onto you?” he asks, and his tone betrays the mood in the air, sounding much more like a genuine inquiry and less like dirty talk.

“N… I was hoping, b-but I did this myself when I was…”

Sousuke doesn’t flinch.

“When you were…”

The noises he’s heard prior come flooding back into the brunette’s mind. Recalling it with great precision, he tries to imagine the other man slicking himself up, driving his hand as far in as he could go while envisioning its Sousuke- rocking backwards and forwards, fucking himself on his fingers, calling out his name like a prayer-

It’s only when Rin starts to grind into Sousuke’s lap that Sousuke realizes his dick is making indents against his backside. Peering down at the hungry boy with a glint in his eyes, Sousuke digs his thumb square into his hole, watching as he tenses up and moans out slow. His thumb leisurely drags up from his ass and toward his sack before plunging in again.

Eying the way his good friend flounders with the sheets and curves his back around, Sousuke starts circling his thumb.

“You really wanted this, huh?” asks Sousuke, in a voice that wavers with his growing need.

He’s trying his hardest to drag this out, drink him in- this view and this feeling, when all he wants to do is fuck Rin right here and make him beg for more. It’s all Sousuke could want. Just the way that he’s curling his toes, widening his legs, and sliding his hips into Sousuke’s touch like a pleasant little kitten, Sousuke wants to reward him for being such a sexy catch.

Rin is losing his self control. A line of slaver runs from his jaw to his ear.

“I did. Please… th-this drug is killing me. My dick feels like it’s going to explode.”

Well, that was a bit… blunt, coming from Rin. Sousuke drew his eyes toward it- big, leaking, and achingly red. Sousuke imagines it inside of his mouth, gagging him and making him surrender. He imagines it inside him, and he flushes darker. For right now though…

Sousuke takes Rin’s cock into his hands, pushing a swift whimper out of Rin’s throat as he squeezes tight and drives his fist upward. So many little pearlescent drops of precum come drooling out only for Sousuke to wet his palm with them, and use it to slick his grip as he begins to pump his cock. In seconds, Sousuke is hoping that Rin cums soon, because the sight of him losing himself in his hands is enough to make Sousuke dry hump into him like a teenager- like he’s so eager he can’t even move his towel out of the way.

The drugged boy is sobbing and pitching his head to the side. Rin’s eyes are locked shut as pleasure rolls endlessly through every nerve in his body. His chest fills with heat and he breathes it out in waves. Every part of him is radiating lust. Sousuke keeps his hand steady while his hips jerk up. Seeking something to keep a grip onto, he takes a good look at Rin’s bare body: his nipples are pink, succulent, and sensitive; his shoulder is sleek, open, and biteable.

Most of all though, his throat looks delicious and pliant. Leaning down and burying his nose in Rin’s neck, Sousuke buries kisses that turn into hickies, and digs his teeth into the other man’s neck.

Rin’s screams sound sweet and _needy._ Sousuke’s never heard him hit these notes before. Even when Rin was pleasing himself, it wasn’t the same. The cadence to his moans hold much more passion now. He can _hear_ Rin breaking apart and losing himself in this feeling he can’t stop. While one of Sousuke’s hands firmly snatches the side of the bed, the other’s sliding back down to his pucker, slipping his fingers so easily into the slicked up heat, eating up the way Rin arches his back and sobs brokenly against it.

Alternating between fingerfucking him and steadily pumping him hard, Sousuke wishes so dearly the towel between them wasn’t there. Just the friction is enough to drive him insane. Rin’s hole is so wet and ready, eager and throbbing. If only he could thrust up into that warm heat, he’d never want for anything ever again.

“S-! So-! _Nnngh!_ ”

On the verge of saying _something,_ a cluster of fitful cries come roaring out of Rin. Without further ceremony, his orgasm hits, and Rin spritzes both of their bodies with cum. It splashes against his chest and into Sousuke’s too, hot and sticky and clearly pent-up.

Halting the rocking of his thirsting hips, Sousuke gazes down between them. He’s unreservedly over Rin now, replacing his aggressive suckling with soft lipped kisses and stroking easy. Sousuke squeezes tight once more, making the other boy wince as he wrings all the cum completely out of his cock and lets it go limp. His hand is coated in orange lube and cum at this point, and so is Rin’s entire pelvis. Sousuke takes a deep breath, smiling, a little too proud of himself.

“Are you alright?”

Beneath him, Rin pants. He hasn’t said a word. He’s taking his time. Yearning to move but not wanting to rush, Sousuke nuzzles his nose into Rin’s throat and smooches it soft.

Rin gives a hiccup and Sousuke gazes up at him.

Rin’s not said anything but great big tears are welling up in his eyes. Every single part of Sousuke starts to hurt- starts to ache- starts to wonder if he’d done the one thing he said he wouldn’t do, said he _couldn’t_ do.

Sousuke’s face faults and his eyes get big.

“Rin, what’s wrong? Did I hurt you? ...Was this a mistake?”

“No,” he chokes out from behind his arm, having taken to hiding his face again.

“What then?” Sousuke asks.

The brunette nearly jumps when he takes notice to how hard Rin is shaking. Every part of his body is jittering like he’s a thousand degrees below zero, and Sousuke’s first instinct is to wrap both arms tightly around him. Scooping the redhead up from the bed with one arm and rolling onto his back (and wincing as he puts undue pressure on his shoulder), he pulls Rin with him until he’s laying on Sousuke’s chest.

The worst part is that Rin doesn’t resist. Normally he’d at least give a shove or have some slick comment. In lieu of that, he lolls like a ragdoll in Sousuke’s arms, and Sousuke doesn’t know what to do but press kisses into his hairline.

“I thought I could do this,” Rin chokes out.

These words push daggers into Sousuke’s heart and he winces flatly.

“I’m sorry.”

“No, you don’t get it,” Rin says, his face buried now into Sousuke’s bad shoulder. “I thought I could do this… without getting my feelings involved but I can’t,” he explains.

Sousuke’s good hand has risen to the back of Rin’s neck and is caressing feather-soft. His dirtied one is twisting in the bedsheet.

“What feelings?” Sousuke asks.

Rin makes a sad noise Sousuke can’t discern. It could’ve been anything between a sneeze, a sob, a cough- but it makes Sousuke’s frown deepen.

“I love you.”

It falls out of Rin’s mouth like an anvil.

“...I’m sorry,” he whispers contritely after a time, as if he’d been waiting for Sousuke to say something back and has been let down.

“Don’t be,” Sousuke finally says hoarsely. “I was hoping that’s what you meant, when you said that you were into me.”

As much as he would like to pluck Rin’s face up from his shoulder and shower his face in kisses, he’s happy letting him hide his face. He’s happy in this moment, more than he’s ever been in his entire life. He’s happy, knowing that for once he didn’t fuck things up between them. He’s happy, knowing that this wasn’t physical attraction alone, wasn’t a hit and run, wasn’t a fantasy, but a dream.

But maybe that’s selfish of him. Rin weeps into him and Sousuke couldn’t be more thrilled. Maybe it just wasn’t good timing. Maybe this wasn’t the best thing to do. All Sousuke can do is reiterate his love.

“I was hoping that you loved me, the way that I loved you,” breathes Sousuke, and he swears that he can hear Rin’s heart mending back up, and the warmth return to all of his bones.

“I do,” he insists, sniffling with a groan. “I can’t believe you never told me.”

Sousuke’s smile is peaceful.

“I could say the same to you.”

Rin shifts against him and their bodies unstick from one another’s. The moment slips away. Grimacing in unison, the two men gag.

“We should-”

“Yeah.”

They take to the shower, and Rin’s potion wears off…

eventually.

**Author's Note:**

> i write the same shit entirely too often. i just have a Thing for crying/comfort during or after sex. im chronically incapable of writing smut isnt mushy gushy. i need the love.
> 
> im not sorry that rin matsuoka cries during sex. i Am sorry that i dont know how to write in a POV that doesnt weirdly edge toward omniscient tho. sorry bout that.


End file.
